Bad Dreams

I hate bad dreams. They stick with me long after I have awoken. I have posted before about my dream life. I have always been a vivid dreamer. Some dreams bizarre, some happy and inevitably a few nightmares. The dreams I recall either amuse me or prompt me to discover what my brain and subconscious are dealing with. In this case I would rather not think about it. However, it keeps invading my waking thoughts.

Before I disclose the images of last nights dream you need to know that I am very afraid of wasps and hornets (and bees). I have been stung eight times, all during my childhood. The last time was by a rogue wasp that somehow flew down the back of my top when I was walking along a creek with friends. I was thirteen at the time. That single wasp stung me six times. My back and shoulders were filled welts, some the diameter of an mandarin orange. I remember craning my neck with my back to the mirror to see the damage this small fighter inflicted on me with just small doses of its venom. And the pain! I shudder just thinking about it.

Last night I had a dream about Africa. I long to visit Namibia on Africa’s southwest coast. I also want to see the cradle of life – Ethiopia. Tunisia and South Africa are on that list as well. It is no wonder I dreamed of this vast continent. But this dream, this dream I had was not an enjoyable one. I do not recall many images, instead I recall feelings. Panic, discomfort, stress, pain and fear. I recall thinking and feeling that this is not what my trip there should be like. I recall crying. The one image I do remember is being told by someone I do not know that I have to let the wasps land on me, that I had to have them swarm me. Not to move and allow myself to be a statue of wasps. I was saying “no, no, NO”. I could hear the incessant buzzing and refused to let these creatures overtake me. I saw that if I did that the rapid beating of my heart would be too much and they would fight and sting me over and over. I was scared, so scared but I refused to give in. I woke up with a start.

Relieved that it was just a dream I tried to settle back to sleep. I woke up with my alarm and the sun, yet I felt incredibly sad. Sad that my mind imagined a trip to Africa in such a way. Or was it something else? Sad that I still have fear of the unknown about my RTW trip? Sad that I did not face my fear? I tried to see the positive. At least in my dream I made it Africa. Perhaps I stood my ground against something I thought was not in my best interests. Maybe I am reading more into than I need to. Maybe it was just a nightmare and I should leave it at that. If only I could – for now the swarming wasps keep coming back to me. I still feel sad today, though not as much as earlier. I try to imagine that my trip will be amazing as it should be.