All Over the Map

The most asked question of me lately has been “Are you getting excited?”. Natural question to ask. The answer is, of course, yes I am excited. However I am also a jumble of other emotions. I suppose it is fitting that my desire to go ‘all over the map’ also coincides with me feelings. I am up, down, sideways and various degrees of spirals when it comes to my emotions regarding my RTW trip. I sometimes wonder if I am bit cuckoo! What I mean is that I have known a number of people who have picked up and gone on their world adventures with what appears to me to be ease and finesse. They pack up and bid adieu with a that spark of adventure in their eyes. Meanwhile my knees are knocking, hands are shaking and inside my head I am screaming how are you going to do this Eeva?!  Round the corner and I am jumping for joy and doing a happy dance. Then contentment walks in.  Next thing I know I am overwhelmed with what I need to do and want to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. I wish for that ease that I see in so many of the travelers I know. Now don’t get me wrong – I am thrilled for this incredible trip. It’s just that I have never done anything like this before, being on the move for an extended period of time.  It is an intrepid thing to do yet at times overwhelming in its newness. It is not a wonder that I am ‘all over the map’. Oh then add the downright ridiculous thoughts that meander in and out of my brain. Ya know, the ones where you logically know are untrue but you entertain them for a moment or two. Things such as “you’re way too old to backpack” and “OMG! I’m too fat and outta shape for this!” or what if, what if, what if…even when I know these ideas are of no consequence.  Silly really.

There you have it, my flurry of emotions. Excitement and contentment are my favs. I’m sure they will become prominent as the day of my departure nears. Perhaps all this is natural for one’s first extended solo trip.  I hope it is. Someone please tell me it is. 🙂