A Flicker?

Last week en route to work I was playing on my phone, as I do, to pass the time on the transit ride. I decided to check out some cheap airfare apps and proceeded to download a number of free ones. Several days later I thought it might be prudent to price out the flight segments of my RTW trip and put the info into a spreadsheet. Then I began thinking that although it could be more expensive to fly from Helsinki, Finland (via Riga, Latvia) to Baku, Azerbaijan instead of the cheaper alternative of Istanbul, Turkey that “Dammit, I want to go to Baku, even if it may be a pricier destination!” 

That was when I had a small yet important epiphany. I was thinking about travel again in a commonsense way. It was so matter-of-fact that I did not initially notice that I was not feeling like I was incapable of making my dream trip a reality. I guess I am coming out of my funk. There is a flicker of travel desire (or more) returning. !!! It surprised me so much that I got rather excited. 

Does that mean I am feeling all warm and fuzzy now? Uh…no. What it does mean is I have turned a corner, so to speak. I still have trepidation about my capacity to make this a reality. I still think that I am less capable than those around me that go after their travel dreams with such apparent ease; wondering why I am not like that. But the truth is, I am not like that. Often, if not the majority of the time, I take my time with big choices or events, unless of course I get a swift kick in the pants by the Universe. Even my choice to go back to school took some time. Although most things fell into place I did my share of thinking and procrastinating about it. 

So, for now, I suppose that I just go with it. Just let these thoughts process and unfold. From this recent bout of melancholy, where I felt (and thought) that I was useless in most areas of my life, was/is actually helpful. Sometimes I just need to feel what I am feeling (and still am). Sometimes it just dissipates – I guess some of that has begun to happen. What caused this? I dunno. Maybe the crazy rush of the holidays being over? That the sun is shining a bit more often here in Van City? That I have decided to plan less and mainly take invitations so that I do not overextend myself? That my little sweet kitten gives me unconditional love and attention? That I am eating tonnes of carbs (except that I am a “big” girl and that depresses me, so maybe not)? Who knows!? The point is that I have noticed this shift in my thinking and I guess that is what matters. So I guess that means I may be posting here a bit more. 

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